Women today, more than ever, are in need of extreme self-care. 
What do I mean by extreme? Extreme means putting ourselves first, which can sometimes go against our nature. We women are born nurturers. I observe this in my five-year old daughter, who is quick to rush over and care for a boo-boo when someone gets a scrape in a way that her brother, though a sensitive and caring boy, does not.
I feel so blessed to be a woman, but that blessing has come with a growing understanding that I must dig deep within to find a place of self-love and acceptance. Women have a tendency to criticize themselves and hold themselves up to unreasonable standards of perfection. I am not sure if I ever truly knew what self-love was until I found myself in a place where I really needed to self-parent.
You may be wondering what I mean by self-parenting. It is basically feeling unconditional love for yourself – knowing that you are ok – totally imperfect and totally loveable nonetheless. I am a recovering perfectionist, not because I slammed A’s in every class in school, but because I was preoccupied with making sure everyone else in my life was taken care of.
I woke up one day exhausted by my blessed life.
When I was younger, I could operate without extreme self-care because I filled my life with other people, other things, other stuff {yeah, we all have the other stuff that fills the empty void}. Nobody would know this from my go-getter kind of personality or what I’ve accomplished in my life, but the chatter that existed in my soul, my mind, and my heart was exhausting.
I was always looking in the rearview mirror – and do not get me wrong: checking out the past is vital for making changes in the future – but I was looking back in judgment.
I was saying things like:
“I could’ve.”
“I should’ve.”
“If only I had.”
“If only I hadn’t.”
My life, although fabulous, wasn’t fulfilling my soul. I felt alone despite my amazing friends, a booming business, two beautiful kids, and a great hubby surrounding me. On the outside life seemed great, but the mental chatter and the self-judgment were leading me nowhere.
Such internal burnout can occur in the blink of an eye. Why? It happens when we overextend ourselves and do not practice extreme self-care. It is when we are not listening to what WE need that fear and exhaustion can set in.
I had an Aha! Moment in my own burnout: my judgments were simply because I was scared. I was scared that I would fail, that people would think I was dumb, or that maybe they would not like me. I had to let go of fear and step into self-love; and not just a little self-love, but extreme self-love.
I made a decision to get off the merry-go-round. I did not want to just exist. I wanted to live the most divine and delicious life possible. It was time for massive action. A major dose of extreme self-care.
I will save you the details of my childhood, which included divorce, abandonment, some father issues, and body image issues. I do not think anyone has the Leave It to Beaver family, but even their “perfect life” didn’t seem to work out well either. So, what is the answer?
I had to let go to let in – yes, to lean in to my power of being a woman. I had to take a look at what was depleting me of vital energy and stop feeling responsible for everyone else above myself.
This is what I began to do:
- Watch my children admire the small stuff in life
- Say an affirmation every morning (simple and it works)
- Practice deep breathing for 30 seconds (that is sometimes all the time I have with a 5- and a 7-year old)
- Wake up 1 hour before anyone else in my house for me time
- Make a commitment to exercise or rebound (great for releasing physically or emotionally) 4 times / week
- Put the bat down and be nice to myself
- Make friends with my fears
- Give myself permission to eat a little bit of raw chocolate every day (yes, this is definitely a huge part of my self-care)
- Say “no” to things I do not want to do (I am a recovering people pleaser)
- Laugh hard, even when there is nothing to laugh about
- Listen to at least one song of my favorite music each day, and dance every chance I get
- Drink a cup of tea with honey and enjoy every second of it
Self-care can be hard to fit into life. I know that – with two kids, a business, and working over 70 hours a week, even my 5-minute shower has to be a divine ritual. I have to be present to the water on my head, my face, and my back, and enjoy every scent of the soap I use. I have to love the healthy perfume I use and the essential oils and take pleasure in putting oil on my body after the shower.
I had to learn how to step into my body, how to enjoy the moment and stop saying “could’ve, should’ve, would’ve”, and instead say, “I love the woman I am right now.”
Some of the small changes were easy to make, like incorporating the little rituals above. Some of them were harder, like getting behind the self-critical voices. The journey to true self-love will probably take a lifetime, but it’s worth it because I want a life in which I’m awake and not just wandering around. I want to laugh hard, cry hard, and dream hard. I want to find what makes me juicy, and show my daughter by example how rich life can be when women cultivate extreme self-care.
I am so blessed to be a part of this magical tour of sisterhood. Thank you so much Katie Den Ouden for giving me this amazing opportunity to be a part of the Skinny Dip Society blog tour (#sdsblogtour). Over the next 25 days, you will hear women share their heart and soul. Please read Sarah’s message on Feb 7th and stay tuned for the other sweet Sarah on Feb 11th. Are you ready to feed your soul? Take a dip!
Check out the amazing blog sisters who blogged before me and give them some love!
Friday, February 7th
Sarah: www.sarahannnoel.com
Facebook: Sarah Ann Noel
Instagram: @sarahannnoel
Twitter: @sarahannnoel
Tuesday, February 11th
Sarah: www.sarah-tucker.com
Facebook: Fairy Tales are True
Instagram: @sgmtucker
Twitter: @sgmtucker
xoxoxo,
Rachel Feldman is a health coach, digestive wellness and detox expert. Based in Boca Raton, Florida, Rachel assists clients nationwide via phone, email and Skype. Rachel helps men and women struggling with weight gain, digestive issues and toxicity. Rachel graduated from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in New York City. She furthered her education at the Wild Rose College of Natural Healing and the International School of Detoxification and graduated with a detox and cleansing certification. She is a certified Reiki Energy Healer. Her approach to healing focuses not only on the foods you put into your mouth but also incorporates the elements of body, mind and soul. She helps her clients to access the blueprint for their health by discovering what foods fuel the body and not inflame the body. Rachel loves running, exercising, juicing and enjoying time with her wonderful husband and two children. To find out more about her programs visit www.rachelswellness.com.
